my pretzel is pink

venting it all here and now is something i am still comtemplating on. i dont know how to write about it, not even sure if im going to. but i need to have this crap inside of me out (owel not THAT crap aryt) ora mismo!

so do i spill it now? sure, man, sure.

see im not sure how to tell this.do i need to sound sad, because i am. do i have to sound tapangtapangan, as i am also?

if i pursue to writting now, people who will read will ask. and i dont and wont provide answers right now. because i dont have any, nor did he provide me with any. and i dont think i will appreciate questions. but hell..if i dont want then i should stop now. but i want to vent it right here right now

an hour passed na …

i think im not ready to talk about it yet. will i ever?

today is definitely the start of realizations. there are 2 major realizations for me. first is that i really need to sweat it out because first, im gaining weight and im getting sick because of not drinking lots of water. but that i can handle. the other realization is a bit major and is slowly taking its toll. and along this is a whole new roll of realizations. manel, the only person that keeps me sane enough is going (not leaving) to dubai. soon. very soon. in 5 days time. and yes…waterworks for me. i was with her just a few minutes ago and darn its so hard to stop myself from talking about her leaving. even the gift she had for me last christmas (which was given very late na!), i cant stand not to open it and read the letters…the letters..i will miss them. and i hate emailing. i obviously do not know where to start here.

your leaving is not that hard to take but you not being within the 5-kilometer radius is hell. not taking about it is both good and bad or maybe much better? i dont know. we both know waterworks suck. and i dont think it will fun to do waterworks about this…its reserved for that time that either of us hates the guy the other one is gonna marry?and i do not know, maybe one thing that’s stopping us from deiberately talking about it is the waterworks. i, for one thing, will definitely do my own waterworks…haha. its crazy.not talking to you and i know how much better our lousy chismisans would be if its live or on the phone. dubai isnt that far, i know. but YM sucks. you’re like a boyfriend..much more than that actually. i will miss mcdo frenchfries, strolling at our all time place to be -Galle, and eating pizza at Lifecoffeeandtea, laughing our ass of at chico and del! oh gawd! better hook yourself up with online RX. watching movies and dvd marathons. too many i guess..too many things ill miss doing with you. darn…waterworks.

i may not have told you but best, im really sad that i wont being seeing you for some time. but at the same time i am so proud of you for being brave enough and do your thing once you get there. hay…just when i thought Gideon was way too emo kanina…errr. i would have wanted to give you a hug but no..that would just trigger the waterworks..and i dont want to do that in my pajamas in the street across the community chapel…LOL.

JUST ALWAYS GO ONLINE FOR MY SANE’S SAKE! NO EXCUSES! and text me your roaming once you get it. IM DOING THE WATERWORKS NOW!AND I MISS YOU ALREADY.CRAP. SEE YOU IN BARCELONA. that only means we should start on putting up funds for that.

***the sketchpad was great! and for the record, i thought the cat was a dinosaur! hahahar! and start living your princess life. i knew that gift would be very useful.
i lurve you manel!

crap. i just lost it.

see, i was, believe it or not, in megamall when it happened.

i wasnt there intentionally, was there for the bowling championship for architects. so before the event started, we went strolling around.

after we got out of crocs, my friend allen reminded me something about cellphones.. that was when i realized i lost my other phone. Steph attempted to call it and the bastard did answer but did not say a thing and cut the call. then for all we know my phone was already turned off. CRAP.

in less than 2 minutes we got back at crocs but the guy who assisted us was supposedly “on-break”…kamusta naman! super obvious!

then we went to the f*ckin suncell station were we have to wait forever to be attended and be told that they do not do services unless the plan signatory is there…kamusta nmn…nsa shanghai china si signatory.,.and i had to do tantrums with they’re very bullcrap of service! kaya nga  ng plan e pra convenient and all…then you’re gonna fuc*in tell me na hnd mo mgagawan ng paraan ang plan line ko????? super…bullcrap na service! grabe!…kaya hnd ako ng SUN eh…lokohan un call & text service nyo! for all i know you dont spend a crap on connecting sun to sun calls….grabe…super bullcrap!

crap. i just lost everything.

everything. all of it. how am i suppose to live another day

crap. this is like super emptiness.

doom.

everything i worked hard for.

everything i have been this one year.

everything that i have invested in.

all those times.

those days when i felt numb to the bone just to have everything…

everything.

all of them.

MY FRIGGING JPEG FILES!

I FRIGGIN LOST THEM ALL.

THANKS TO THE GENIUS BASTARDS WHOVE DONE NOTHING IN THEIR FRIGGIN LIVES BUT TO SIT DOWN IN FRONT OF THEIR FRIGGIN LAPTOPS TO EMBED FRIGGIN VIRUSES ON JPEG FILES!

i work as an interior designer,…and it isjust my life…MY LIFE this JPEG files..they are! and now they are like friggin gone! and my system is about to crash!

this is how the genius bastards do it.,

they have this viruses all over the net, it usually is transfered from Instant messaging and email..they are those frigging stranger dangers who mail you with stuff like “check out my profile”…and once you do click on the link it then generates a script to your JPEG files present in your system. now this VIrus script is then embedded on your JPEG files.so how does it work. once you click it thru a viewer , if you have a good and original up to date anti virus it will tell you that the file do have a virus, and if you do not have an up to date antivirus, the JPEG just wouldnt load,,,so there is no preview . though at some point it does show a preview but along with it our small icons disguised as JPEG which suddelny shows too on the preview. then…now you realkize there is a virus

so when does this friggin virus scripts runs? when you are so kulit to open it and try to know whats wrong with the jpeg file…think, PAINT, PHOTOSHOP, SKETCH UP and other applications..thats when the virus script embedded on the JPEG will run through out the system. the Application which you used (paint, photoshop and the likes) act as the extractor or whatever. Now, if the application you used is fake or something, the worst happens.  MOst virus scripts that are embedded on JPEGs are Worms and trojans.

TAke note also that not all JPEG formats can be embedded..depends still. So when this crap happens..you have nowhere to go with your JPEGs but to the recycle bin! which is like HELLLLLLL……

i am so FREAKING OUT!

imagine our whole architectural firm is now in chaos…5 PCs just got friggin infected with this son of a friggin b*tch virus!

mine is sadly…one of them…

CRAP THOSE GENIUS BASTARDS!

crap.just got home.

iam sooooo ranting!

sheesh!

you read it right. there was this effing pervert that i almost killed! thanks he jumped off the PUJ even before i can! seconds, man! seconds!

so this is what happened…

iam now stuck in the office for a month or so  since i just finished 2 projects. anyway. so ive stopped driving to and from work and house. so i either take the PUV, fx or sometimes don drives me home or at tiendesitas. so today i took the ever reliable jeepney. and there. i was seating near the entry and a girl sat beside me.. halfway thru the drive, this girl suddenly starts acting up. i, of course got a bit irritated, you know, how easily i can get irritated with strangers. anyway. so as soon as a seat was free she readily transfered. so there was the effing pervert. he started acting like he was awakin form his supposed sleep. so he moved inches towards me til his knee hit my knee. i, the easily irritated person as always, moved away in a millisecond. then the b*tard moved his entire leg towards mine!

THE NERVE!

right then and there he was deaf!

me:”PUNY*TA!” (my hand on my fatal cutter)

me:”ANO KA BA HA!!!!!MANYAK O MAGNANAKAW!” (adjusted my fatal cutter in fightin stance)

effing pervert: (as if he got splashed by icy waters of the north) “UGGGHHH”

then jumps off the PUJ….

BTARD!

i was this close to trying out my cutter unto your pervert eyes! darn it!

crap. sobrang high blood tuloy ako tonight!

so to everyone else..if you ever get close to such b*tard dont hesitate to shout your lungs out or cut open his pervert throat til he die!

wala. highblood!

i heart this person.

its funny i just sort of like him. though i know zero about him ‘cept the stuff on his friendster. and i am kinda stalking him already. i just hope the viewing-anonymously-thing still works around here. ’cause if not…he definitely, definitely knows i am so stalking him.

maybe i feel like i will like him.but seriously. i just remebered my conversation with my buddy carlo. i know how much you love me and how much you want me to have that happily–ever—–.hahaha.i know.. and iam sorry for cutting you off when you were seriously telling me to be happy and that maybe ..maybe…having someone..though not totally the romantic someone, could add something, something more into my almost perfect (really?) whatever.

hurrr. carlo.why do i get the feeling of trying what you once did?

huu-humm

dont talk to me about being busy.

obviously my last post prior to this was february 2008.

rar.

i want to bite my head off. truth is..i am still blogging. not here though.

but in multiply. friendster just kind of lost its touch.

only know did i found out about this template thing going on. i am really a very techie person and i wouldnt care much on the pages of my blogpage.

anyway. its desperate how iam posting 3 items today just to fill up for the days i wasnt posting.

i just read the last posts i did…i sounded so harsh. those were the days when i made use of friendster blog as a venting space. vent out all the anger! rawr.

***

anyway. much has been going on.

first, the yes-es

yes, i am still at edward co tan+architects. though at this momment. i am not really in the mood for work lately.

yes, manel is still here…how was it with postponing the drama, the sadness, the tears? HAHA

yes, i got a raise, during the first quarter of the year and i am waiting for the next this november!

yes, i tried the bar. it kinda suck..maybe. ill go try again.

yes, we finished it. the WANAKASA. the forever project.sheesh.

yes, santol events hall…is almost …almost finished.

yes, i am still so single!

yes, there is still no person of the opposite sex who is good enough for a minute of conversation with me.

yes, i actually got rid of him…totally got rid of him! erf you.

yes, i am now a very good aggressive driver! har! honk honk! move your asses slowpokes! haha..seatbelts on and breaks working…dont worry!

yes, i finished grey’s season 4! hurray.

lotsa yes-es

and the low downs

no, i am still not having a week off…a week off from work

no, i still havent finished without a trace and criminal minds. i so suck.

no, i still havent tried bowling or ice skating.

no, i still havent told miguel

no, i am not telling you about the latter

no, i cant keep my hair any longer than what it is right now

like there is a whole list of NOs

anywoo.

i just remembered. my wish list. i don’t wanna be all too positive. so from now on its the never-gonna-come-true-wish list

negative. har

***

today i went off to tagaytay, oh if you did not know. tagaytay is like galleria to me. i am there like twice a week. and no its not fine. it totally is stressing. i hate it. and puh lease if you have plans of going there. drop it! tagaytay doesnt have much going on..just taal..which is not even actually in tagaytay…its batangas dude!

***

i have this person. no i dont really have. ha

***

obviously its my fake tumor talking. i am getting delusional again . so there. i am not sure whether this will be followed again  by another fiction. but owel. just go to my multiply so i wouldnt be cramming here for this blog in friendster.

***

sheesh

below is an excerpt from Barbara Gonzales’ column ( my favorite sunday columnist)

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the king’s horses and all the king’s men, couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty together again,” the pastor recited.  Then he went on to explain and concluded that they may not put Humpty Dumpty together again.  Only Jesus can pick up those little, scattered pieces and make them whole again.

The sermon made me smile because that’s exactly what I had been mulling over all day. I am tired of the alone-ness in my life. I have to fix my own schedules, set up my own exhibits, do everything alone.  I have no one to talk to, not too many to ask for help from, nothing.  I have to do everything alone and frankly, I am tired of it. I want to and need to change my life.  This Humpty Dumpty will rise and become a fluffy, delicious, savory omelet complete with cheese and herbs, onions, tomatoes and garlic — delicious, nutritious, hard to beat.

I want to be rich again, to have enough money for my mother and my expenses. I want to work again, do something different, be in a situation where I am looking for time instead of feeling it weighing heavily on my hands.

My dearest God, I want a new life, I found myself praying.  Please help me build a new life.  Five years ago I had a stroke but I am as well as I will ever be.  I am a different person now but I need more company, a wider circle of friends, more social activities, more laughter, more love. With your help I will find it all and I will succeed in the largest, most generous way possible.  I will be happy once more with my life.  I know I will be, eventually, but now I really, truly, genuinely need the change.

So if you are a reader of my column and you have a job to offer me, offer it. I am shopping.  Also I need a man in life, someone to talk to and laugh with, someone to have intelligent conversations with, someone near enough for me to reach for. To use Coca-Cola’s distribution strategy once upon a time — someone who is within arm’s reach of my desire. Oh, yes, and he must be tall and dark-ish. Two out of three ain’t bad.

Are you interested?  E-mail me your resume with photograph and your height.  Married men need not apply. Oh, yes, and this search for a man in my life includes foreigners, but you must be based in the First, you must fit my bill.  You all must be advised ahead of time that I am looking for my type of guy.  I can get pretty picky about that.   Anyway, I am entitled to my pickiness.  After all I am Humpty Dumpty and I have fallen off that wall too many times.

So today I launch my search for a job and a man and both these things will bring me a larger circle of friends and wider interests.  I’m calling my search the “Merry All & Happy New Everything.”  That’s what I want from my life in the future, which begins in 2008.

Until I find the job and meet the guy, I will continue to teach “Joy of Writing” and have painting exhibits.  And next year, I will invite myself to the Pullims’ again.  They gave a fantastic Christmas Eve dinner this year.

or you must be willing to eventually settle here.  On second thought, that point is negotiable.

Philippines

***

need i say more?